Still Hurting
by TheWammy'sHouseReject
Summary: He was the only human being to treat me with kindness. The only one who ever treated me with love. But he died...he doesn't suffer any more. But I'm still hurting.
1. Our Story

**A/N: Of course, I do not own **_**Naruto, **_**Juugo, Kimimaro, Orochimaru, blah, blah, blah, whatever. Anyway, I'm writing this story because I believe Juugo and Kimimaro had one of the sweetest, most loving relationships in the series, and their pairing doesn't get enough love. Enjoy!**

Kimimaro…his name still sounds good in my ears.

He was my best friend. He was the one who could calm me down when I felt the worst. He wasn't afraid of me. He calmed me down when I was angry. He was the only human being to treat me with kindness. He was the only human being to ever treat me with love.

But he died. He _died. _

He sacrificed so much to be with me, to stay by my side and love me. He whored himself out for me, gave everything he had to that bastard Orochimaru so he could be with me. He always told me it was worth it. Every stolen kiss, the thrill of skin against skin…soft, sweet nothings whispered quietly in the dark, loving caresses from soft, cool fingers…

When he first became ill, he tried to hide it from me. I watched him deteriorate before my eyes, become so weak he could hardly walk. He would come to visit me on crutches, his smile turning weak. I hated watching him suffer, as this illness destroyed him, ate him away from the inside. And now he's rotting somewhere in Konoha, with no grave or anybody by his side when he died.

I will not let his story-_our _story- go untold. I loved him so much, and he had to go. He had to die. It was probably better that way. He doesn't suffer anymore now.

But I'm still hurting.

**A/N: please review! I'll be out with chapter two…whenever.**


	2. The Boy in the Cave

They called me Juugo of the Scales. I earned this name because I can't control my urge to kill, and anything can tip the balance of my sanity. I hid in a cave to try and not hurt anybody, but sometimes I just couldn't help myself. That is, until _he _came into my life.

I was alone in the darkness of my cave when I heard footsteps coming toward me…some fool who obviously didn't know of my danger.

"Who is it? Go away," I told them, feeling the familiar, uncontrollable rage rising up inside me. _Please, _I thought. _Please just go away…don't make me hurt you._

He didn't leave, but kept coming towards me.

"Go away!" I shouted. "I said go away!"

Still they pressed forward, and moved where I could see them.

It was a boy, about eleven or twelve years old but looking much older. Hs white hair was cut roughly shoulder length, with one side lock longer than the others, and held in a small ponytail. Two red dots marked the alabaster skin on his forehead. But his eyes were what captured and held my attention. They were a bright, clear bluish-green, their gaze intense, looking straight at me, not with fear, but curiosity, and perhaps even sympathy.

"I'll kill you," I warned.

_Go away, go away, go away, go away, go away…_

Why wouldn't he _listen?_

I couldn't stop myself. I attacked him, but before I knew what was going on, he had me wrapped in what I later learned was his own spine (gross, I know, but that particular detail is irrelevant to the story).

"I see," he said. "Your strength is amazing…I thought I was a goner."

"Wh-Who are you?" I shouted.

He turned to face me.

"Kimimaro," he said bluntly. "I came here looking for you. Would you…like to go to Orochimaru-sama, too?"

"Orochimaru?"

"Orochimaru-sama has many followers," he told me, "that are just like you and I."

His tone was grave, his face serious.

"You're all alone, aren't you?" he asked me. "If you go to Orochimaru-sama, you won't be alone anymore."

"I'm not normal. I can't control myself!" I said. "There's no telling when I'll start killing the people around me!"

He looked me straight in the eyes.

"I won't get killed. I'm not that weak."

"Aren't you…afraid of me?" I asked.

Kimimaro came in close.

"No I'm not, Juugo."

"I will become your cage," he told me, releasing me. I felt the anger, the murderous impulse, just sort of melt away from me, and I felt liberated.

His face now held a soft, warm look to it, on that held a depth of kindness I had never seen before.

He put his hands on my shoulders.

"As long as I'm by your side…your spirit will be free."

I smiled, enjoying the feeling of genuine human companionship.

"So, will you come to Orochimaru-sama with me?"

"Will you come with me?" I asked.

He took me by the hand and led me into the sunlight, both literally and metaphorically. He was my sunlight. He was my sun. He was my _world._

I wonder why it took me so long to figure out that it was love. But when I did, I knew that I understood the meaning of true love.

And what it is like to have it taken away.


	3. A Moment of Peace

Kimimaro led me past a man who appeared to be farming. I felt no urge to kill him. Not with _him _holding my hand. He looked at me, then at Kimimaro, shock etched onto his aging features.

"It's funny how you told me a monster lived up there," Kimimaro said. "All I saw was a boy."

The man was too shocked to say anything.

I don't know how long we walked, but eventually we came across a field strewn with wildflowers. Kimimaro's eyes lit up like lanterns when he caught sight of them. he ran into the midst of them, a smile breaking out on his face. I would later come to love that smile. It was his personal gift to me. I was the only person he would smile for- not even that bastard Orochimaru could coax it out of him.

It was only for me.

Me and the flowers.

I sprinted to catch up with him. He knelt among the hundreds of flowers, gazing upon their beauty as a starving man would gaze upon a banquet.

I sat next to him, confused.

"Why are you so happy, Kimimaro?" I asked.

"I love being in places like this," Kimimaro replied, in a breathy, faraway tone. "Where I can bask in the world's beauty, and forget about its ugliness."

I paused.

"What do you mean by that?"

He turned to me, his eyes appearing a thousand miles away. his smile was gone, replaced by a look of thoughtful contemplation.

"The world is a bleak, lonely place. I learned that at a very young age. But, when I am in a place like this…I feel like a better world is within my grasp…"

He reached out a dreamy hand, fingers extending, reaching toward the sky.

"Even if it doesn't really exist…"

his voice trailed off as his fingers closed around air.

"Kimimaro…"

He silenced me.

"Just enjoy the scene for now," he commanded gently. "We'll start up again soon."

I found myself leaning against his shoulder as we gazed out on the scene together.

**A/N wow…this chapter was kinda fluffy…anyway, please review!**


	4. A Night Time Walk

**Thanks so much to GinIchimaru101 for being the ONLY person to review my story!**

Kimimaro hadn't said a word since we resumed our journey. Instead, he kept his eyes firmly centered on the path ahead of us. It was late, but neither of us felt like stopping. I felt like Kimimaro was avoiding contact with me- almost like he was afraid to get too close.

Was it me? Or was it him? Was there something about himself that he refused to tell me?

"Hey, Kimimaro," I said nervously.

"…Yes?" he replied.

"…Where are you from?"

He froze.

"Did I say something wrong?" I asked. "If I did, I'm really sorry."

"No…it's not you. it's just…look, I don't want to talk about it right now, okay?"

"…Fine."

We continued our silent journey. Kimimaro seemed impassive, but I suddenly began to wonder about the green-eyed boy walking before me.

**Please review!**


	5. Orochimaru

We arrived at Orochimaru's base the following morning. I had no idea as to who this man was, but from the way Kimimaro talked about him, I figured he must be someone special.

Some gray haired guy was waiting for us, expression unreadable.

"You're a bit late, Kimimaro," he said.

"My apologies, Kabuto-sensei. We encountered a slight delay."

"Ah, Kimimaro. How nice that you returned in one piece."

Both the gray haired guy and Kimimaro turned to look at the new arrival. Long black hair, pale skin, yellow eyes…he looked like a snake.

"Lord Orochimaru."

Kimimaro got down on one knee, bowing his head in reverence.

"Lord Orochimaru, I have brought the one you have requested."

So, the snake bastard had been looking for me, huh? Well, that was a first. Most people weren't stupid enough to actually come _looking _for me.

He ruffled Kimimaro's hair in a manner that seemed almost playful.

"Good boy. I know I can _always _trust you with important missions like this."

I could see Kimimaro blush as that hand touched him. Why? I don't know. He just did. Was it fatherly affection? Love? Who knows? And, more importantly, who _cares?_

The three of them conversed quietly for a while. Kimimaro gestured over to me every couple of seconds, looking flustered. Orochimaru put up a hand and said something. That seemed to calm him down a bit. Then, I was led into a room, where the gray haired man, who I would later learn was named Kabuto, locked me in.

In retrospect, I really shouldn't have been surprised.

**GinIchimaru101 will probably be the only one to review this chapter (Again), but if you would be so nice, please review!**


	6. A Kiss

YAY! I HAVE NEW REVIEWERS! I LOVE YOU ALL ^.^

**Anyway, I decided to turn this into a series of drabbles between Kimimaro and Juugo. It's just easier that way.**

I will always remember the first time Kimimaro kissed me.

I'd been left alone in a dark room for what seemed like a couple of days, but in all probability it was probably much shorter.

Kimimaro opened my door, offering me a smile. Orochimaru was watching from a safe distance.

Kimimaro gestured for me to sit down. I obeyed.

"What now?" I asked. "What happens next?"

He ran his hand through my hair lovingly.

"I promise you this: Whatever happens will be for the best. I trust Lord Orochimaru with my life, and you should, too."

"I guess," I said, shrugging. "I trust you, Kimimaro."

He smiled again, his face turned away from Orochimaru, so I was the only one that saw it. Like a gift that was intended for my eyes alone.

"Juugo…have you ever been kissed?" he asked me. Orochimaru's attention seemed to have been perked, his wicked smile replaced by curiosity.

I shook my head.

"I'm too dangerous. Nobody's ever been able to get that close to me before."

"Do you know what it is?"

I nodded.

"I have a vague idea. Why are you asking?"

Kimimaro brushed his lips against mine, just a light touch, but it was enough to light me on fire. My eyes went wide. This was the most intimate contact I'd ever had with another human being.

Orochimaru laughed a little.

"Kimimaro, you dirty boy," he chided teasingly. "Come, we have training to do."

"I'll be back as soon as I can, Juugo," he promised me, before he left.

I cracked a grin as the door closed.

I wasn't alone anymore.

**Please review ^.^ Reviews = happy me = faster updates :D**


	7. Wrong

**Thanks for all who reviewed ^.^**

Kimimaro visited me as often as he could, which was usually once or twice a week. Mostly, we would just sit and talk. Other times, he would hold my hand and lean against my shoulder, as if seeking comfort.

But, one day, right after he left, he failed to close the door completely. I heard someone grab him, a dull _thud _resounding as he hit the wall.

"Lord Orochimaru…please don't. Not here."

"You want to be a good boy, don't you, Kimimaro?"

"…Yes, my lord."

"And, you wish to please me, don't you?"

"…Yes, my lord-ah!"

Kimimaro let out a low moan. I dared not try to look, lest I not like what I find, and be unable to control myself.

"Rrgh…Lord Orochimaru…"

I heard panting, ragged breaths, and thudding noises as Kimimaro was apparently slammed against the wall repeatedly. It took all the self-control I had to hold back my rising fury, and break down the door.

"Augh! Nngh…please…don't go… so fast, my lord-agh! Please, my lord, it hurts!"

There was no reply. With a particularly loud thud, a groan, and a whine, everything went silent. I stayed frozen.

Then, I stood up and opened the door.

Orochimaru was standing, tying that ridiculous purple rope around his waist, that god damn grin still etched onto his face.

Kimimaro was naked from the waist down, slumped up against the wall. Bright red marks decorated his body. Bites tore through the fabric or his shirt. Upon seeing me, he curled into the fetal position, as if he wanted nothing more than to curl up and die. He cringed in pain. It was all so, so wrong.

He was bleeding.

I lost control.

I can't remember much of what happened them. I lunged at that son of a bitch, determined to rip the snake bastard's throat out. I heard Kimimaro behind me.

"Juugo, stop it!" he cried, frantically.

Instantly, I became aware of what I was doing. My body relaxed, and I was afraid. I ran back into my holding cell.

"Please…please close the door. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

The door suddenly slammed shut. I thought I heard Kimimaro's voice. It said, _"I forgive you."_

**Review?**


	8. Obvious

After Kimimaro got sick, he didn't visit me very often anymore. I heard whispers from behind my thick steel door, rumors, but that was all.

"Kabuto says it's just a matter of time…"

"Nah, I don't think he'll die. Not yet, anyway…"

Whenever Kimimaro _did _visit, after stretches of forever, he was weak, pale. The sparkle had gone out of his eyes, the luster out of his hair. He looked dead on his feet, a corpse on crutches. (He couldn't even walk on his own two feet anymore.)

When he came to visit during this time, we didn't talk much. He just sat there, a waiflike shadow.

I held him a lot during those times. I'd wrap my arms around him and hug him tight, not wanting to let him go. Ever.

I liked him. No, I think at this point, I knew that I loved him. And the idea that I could lose him terrified me.

"Don't cry, Juugo," he said once, reaching up to dry my eyes. "I'll be fine, don't worry."

I knew he was lying. Lying through his perfect teeth, trying to pacify my monster. I knew, even back then, that Kimimaro was going to die.

There was nothing I could do.

All I could do was hold him in my arms that could crush him by accident, with my clumsy hands that didn't know how to comfort.

It hurt, knowing I was powerless. Sometimes, laying on the pathetic, hard mattress of my cell, I would imagine the disease destroying his body from the inside, literally eating him alive. Something that literally destroyed him…it made me ill thinking about it.

My Kimimaro…_my _Kimimaro.

I wanted to keep him by my side forever, keep him safe and keep him warm. But I couldn't. For all the strength I possessed, I was powerless.

I hated that. I hated watching him waste away. Nothing helped- not even when he took my enzyme and bore the Curse Mark. It slowed it, but didn't stop it.

Orochimaru couldn't use his body anymore. That much was painfully obvious. And that made Kimimaro upset. He never smiled anymore- not even for me.


End file.
